Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.
ends
i don’t necessarily there is such thing as an end. All that there is, is a pause. It’s kind of like being in a relationship with the most important person in your life but things get fucked up and you break-up. What happens is you end the communication. You hate the other person to the extent that you don’t want to talk to that person. Well, you did not necessarily put an end to your relationship, you just put a duct tape to that part of your brain that says you love that person; and in effect you hate the person and in the long run you feel apathetic towards him or her, but you never forget about that person. Of course you don’t. There’s always gonna be a part of you that will light up when you see that person walk by the grocery to buy diapers for his child. There’s always gonna be a part of you that knows that one person you promised forever to. Nobody ever forgets somebody they loved. They still exist in the depths of your mind and in the pumping of your heart, subconsciously, and you’d have to accept it, they still affect you.
i think there’s really nothing wrong in me loving you and you not knowing it. Well, aside from the fact that i feel awkward when i’m with you, that i feel my heart beat so fast every time you tell me you miss me—the same way you miss everyone else,—that i find important your short messages and that it even has a folder in my phone, that i look at your profile every now and then to see what activities you are up to; only to get my heart broken when i see you change your status saying that you love someone and it’s not me and all i do is cry and be in a bad mood the whole day thinking how things might have been had you been mine and had the situation been apt for love to prosper between the two of us. And aside from moments when i feel so angry at you for not doing things we used to do like the two of us eating together in the cafeteria, and, before that, you waiting for my class to finish even when you’re starving to death. Aside from these, i think everything is all right.
Friendship is like a glass ornament; once it’s broken, it can rarely be put back together exactly the same way.
realizations 2
maybe if we looked at ourselves a little better, then we’d realize that we are more than people think we are. That we can do better in sports after the best athletes let us down. That we can be better writers after getting a D in that literature critical paper. That we can grow better as a person after everyone thought you sucked. Maybe if we looked a little closer to who we really are, then we’ll realize that we are no perfect creation, and so is everyone else. That his little crooked nose is not worse than your pimples and her graying hair. That everyone has their own imperfection that they hide. And maybe if we look at a better perspective then we’d realize, “i’m not bad at all.”
Over there, just beneath the moon, there’s a man with a burden to keep.
I don’t know whats worse: not being able to tell you how I feel, or knowing you’ll never feel the same.
(via runawaytrain)
what hurts the worst is knowing that both situations are real and you’d have to face it no matter what.
i’ve really been trying so hard to forget about you. But obviously, i can’t; and i wouldn’t, ever. I don’t even know when i felt that i love you. All i know is i do, and will, forever do. I hope someday i can prove myself wrong. I hope someday i read this post and say to myself, “i really have moved on.” For now, i still love every bit of you.
realizations
i don’t think there’s anything to change in me. I don’t think it makes me less of a person if I don’t make it on deadlines. In fact, i think, it makes me more of a person because then people will realize that i actually am human and that i am susceptible to doing mistakes and that mistakes happen because people over think things that they don’t think about it anymore—they think about how people are going to react to it; how society may view them in what they’ve done. I think i don’t have to deal with people who care so little about the right things i do that they only see things the wish i could have done; or they see the result of my failure that they do not see me and how hard i dealt with all the things i have to deal with. I think, basically, i need to live for me. I don’t need to try to be somebody who people want me to be. I think i’d stick with principles i believe in. I think i’d be me.
